Paul Newman Reading

How To "Potty Train" Yourself

We have a few friends in the area who are trying to get their kids potty trained. One couple has worked out a reward system: Whenever their son uses the potty, he gets a reward (sometimes a chocolate chip, sometimes a sticker, etc.). I haven't seen them bribe him with the prospect (e.g. "Do you want a chocolate chip? Well then you'd better use the potty.") but it seems he knows by now that a job well done deserves a little celebration. I think that's a good thing to remember. I've lived twenty-five years longer than that little boy, and either I never learned that basic principle that he already knows, or I've somehow forgotten.

When I want a chocolate chip, I don't have to use the potty (metaphorically speaking, of course). I can get in my car and go buy chocolate chips, as many as I want, and eat them until my stomach bursts if I choose. I can go to Burger King or see a movie--whatever. Easy access to "rewards" diminishes their capacity to be rewarding. So when I finish writing a story and watch a TV show to celebrate, it's not as special because of all that other TV I've watched. The success is good but the celebration didn't lure me to it, and doesn't feel so special once I get there. I must withhold the treats or else they lose their treat-ness.

Sick Day

One of the strangest things about working from home, for me, is when my husband takes a sick day. For most people, a husband laid up at home doesn't necessarily affect productivity, but imagine taking your sick spouse to work: setting him up with a blanket and a cup of tea, hearing him watch Star Trek on his laptop while you try to get your work done.

On one hand, I love having my husband at home. On the other, I have to get certain things done in order to feel I'm earning my keep. The chores aren't so hard to accomplish when he's here; the writing is almost impossible. You see, even though I have an office in this new apartment, it does adjoin the living room, and it doesn't have a door. This morning, I slept in late (I usually get up with his alarm and then walk him to work for my morning exercise, which I also missed), cooked him breakfast, and watched an episode of Warehouse 13. If this were Saturday, I'd say it had been a good morning. Too bad it's Monday.

Janet Fitch on Torture

“The writer is both a sadist and a masochist. We create people we love, and then we torture them. The more we love them, and the more cleverly we torture them along the lines of their greatest vulnerability and fear, the better the story. Sometimes we try to protect them from getting booboos that are too big. Don’t. This is your protagonist, not your kid.”


--Janet Fitch, author of White Oleander and Paint it Black

Writing Exercise: Convince Me

I am in the process of writing a novel. Part of the "fun" of writing a novel is that it can surprise you, even when you think you're in complete control. Unfortunately, not all those surprises are pleasant. For example: I recently discovered that I don't really like my main character.

For a while, I tried to fix the problem by ignoring it. I'm working in a multiple-POV format so I just wrote chapters from another character's point of view. But though they get to speak, no one is as central as this one character I suddenly don't like, and as much as I tried to work around her, I found I couldn't. So then I stopped writing for a couple weeks. When I came back, as a warm-up, I decided to write a monologue from her point of view. I asked her to convince me that I should like her.

Audrey Hepburn Reading

How to Get a Job

1. Watch How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. Memorize the song "How to Succeed."
2. Now forget all that nonsense. It's 2012. Window washers who trespass and impersonate businessmen get tazed. Plus, if you're already a window washer, you already have a job, right?
3. Don't play it safe. Fill out the applications, talk to the managers, even if it scares you.
4. Apply for jobs you would never really want. If Murphy's Law plays out, one of them will hire you. And then there's that whole all-you-need-to-get-a-job-is-another-job thing. Or does that only apply to dating?
5. Don't get bogged down in the details. Most jobs are going to suck the life out of you one way or another, which means there is no perfect job.
6. Find a role model to emulate, like Eleanor Roosevelt or Alexis Bledel.
7. Make a suit-wearing business doll. Tell it lovely things about yourself every night.
8. Loiter outside the Home Depot.