Tuesday, June 5, 2012

How to Get a Job

  1. Watch How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. Memorize the song "How to Succeed."
  2. Now forget all that nonsense. It's 2012. Window washers who trespass and impersonate businessmen get tazed. Plus, if you're already a window washer, you already have a job, right?
  3. Don't play it safe. Fill out the applications, talk to the managers, even if it scares you.
  4. Apply for jobs you would never really want. If Murphy's Law plays out, one of them will hire you. And then there's that whole all-you-need-to-get-a-job-is-another-job thing. Or does that only apply to dating?
  5. Don't get bogged down in the details. Most jobs are going to suck the life out of you one way or another, which means there is no perfect job.
  6. Find a role model to emulate, like Eleanor Roosevelt or Alexis Bledel.
  7. Make a suit-wearing business doll. Tell it lovely things about yourself every night.
  8. Loiter outside the Home Depot.

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